'Hello? I'd like to add a driver
onto my insurance.'
I hear the sibilance of webbed paws
on a keyboard. 'Hello?' I repeat.
In the background, excited chittering,
the distinctive slap-slurp of freshwater fish
getting brained then noshed.
'I'd like to add a driver onto my insurance.
Is there anyone there who speaks English?'
I am ashamed at my own impatience;
I slather my resentment in guilt - it is like trying
to hide a corpse with a tablecloth.
Of course, you can't go slaying them wholesale
without upsetting some holier-than-thou Zoroastrian.
The chittering is beginning to sound suspiciously
like mocking laughter.